Rants and Random Adventures: Inside Kimahri's Head
by Quirky Rikku
Summary: CHAPTER 17, YAY. Kimahri tells us about Pop Tarts, meeting rock legends, writing his own fluff, telling us what he thinks on various subjects, his adventures on a golf course, his run in with the Star Ship Enterprise, and more rants about everyday things!
1. Kimahri on Final Fantasy Characters

What Kimahri Thinks.  
  
Chapter 1: Kimahri on Final Fantasy X Characters  
  
yeah..I was bored, listening to When Worlds Collide by PM 5k...How i thought of this...at least so spontaniously..i dunno...  
  
**Check out Silver Neko's Kimahri fics. She was my sole inspiration. I know that hers are much better though :)**  
  
Kimahri think about Yuna. Kimahri protect Yuna with life. Kimahri promise Auron. Sometimes Kimahri think Yuna hardheaded. Kimahri chuckle at thought. Yuna fall off Shoopuff. Kimahri laugh. Yuna fall again. Yuna dumb sometimes.  
  
Kimahri wonder about Wakka. Kimahri think he need speech class. He play dumb game with ball. Wakka hit Kimahri in pridefull place. Kimahri chase Wakka through Calm Lands. Yuna giggle. Rikku giggle. Kimahri not think funny.  
  
Kimahri not like Tidus. Tidus stubborn and dumb. Tidus crybaby. Kimahri giggle like Yuna. Tidus play dumb game with ball. Wakka join. Both hit Kimahri with ball. Kimahri chase through Luca. Kimahri not like Tidus.  
  
Kimahri like Rikku. Rikku make good potions. More better than Guado. Mmmmmm...Potions. Kimahri like potions. Kimahri also think Rikku cute. Kimahri envy Rikku for being so hyper. She need to calm down. Kimahri slap self for thinking that.  
  
Kimahri say Lulu is grumpy. Lulu cast magic on Kimahri. Kimahri growl in pain. Kimahri not chase her, Lulu is female. Kimahri like female. Kimahri like Lulu chest. No, Kimahri should no think non Ronso thoughts. Ronso do not lie. Kimahri chuckle.  
  
Kimahri like Auron. Auron quiet. Auron guard silently. Kimahri wish Tidus was like Auron. Tidus then would not want Kimahri to chase him through woods. Kimahri like idea. Where is Auron? Kimahri not like way Rikku look at Auron. Rikku too young.   
  
Kimahri not like Seymour. Seymour want Yuna. Yuna not like Seymour. Yuna like Tidus. Seymour is ugly Guado. Seymour have annoying voice. Why must Kimahri be plagued? Kimahri giggle like Fangirl staring at Auron. Kimahri joke.  
  
Kimahri no like Yuffie. Yuffie dumb. Yuffie steal like Rikku, but Yuffie steal Kimahri materia. Kimahri angry. Kimahri chase Yuffie through Wutai. Yuffie female. Who care? Kimahri don't.  
  
Kimahri think Vincent cool. Vincent turn into demon. Kimahri envy. Kimahri chase Vincent Demon through mansion. Yuffie help Vincent. Kimahri eat Yuffie. Yuffie nummy. Vincent angry, chase Kimahri. Kimahri run back to Spira, where Kimahri belong.  
  
Kimahri not like Cloud hair. Cloud hair blonde. Kimahri not like blonde. Kimahri like Rikku, Rikku blonde. Cloud act like Squall. Kimahri hate Squall. Did Kimahri say Kimahri hate blonde?   
  
Kimahri think Aerith pretty. Kimahri wish Aerith Summoner, so Kimahri guard her. Aerith die. Kimahri angry. Kimahri eat Sephiroth. Kimahri hate Sephiroth. Sephiroth kill Aerith. Aerith like flower. Kimahri like flower. Aerith meant for Kimahri. Kimahri happy. Kimahri giggle like Tifa.   
  
Kimahri think Tifa like Lulu. Tifa have Lulu chest. Kimahri wonder if Lulu Tifa related, like Rikku Yuna? Tifa know Karate. Tifa kick Kimahri. Kimahri ignore. Tifa girl, Kimahri not chase.  
  
Kimahri think Barret weird. Kimahri never seen dark human. Barret have gun arm. Kimahri stare. Barret say: !@#$%&*. Kimahri wonder what mean. Kimahri wonder if dark human taste good like Yuffie. Kimahri taste Barret. Barret chase Kimahri. Barret say: !@#$%&*. Kimahri wish Barret speak English. Kimahri sigh.  
  
Kimahri hate Cait Sith. Cait Sith undercover Turk. Kimahri not like Turk. Turk kidnap Aerith. Cait Sith Reeve. Kimahri hate Reeve. Kimahri hate Tseng. Tseng bald. Kimahri laugh.  
  
Kimahri not like Cid mouth. Cid talk like Barret. Cid also Rikku father. Kimahri wonder if related. Cid have cool theme music. Kimahri still wonder if Rikku related. Kimahri ponder.  
  
Kimahri love Nanaki. Nanaki resemble Kimahri. Nanaki spiritual. Kimahri like. Nanaki warrior. Kimahri too. Kimahri wonder why Nanaki don't talk 3rd person like Kimahri? Nanaki smart. Kimahri wish Nanaki lived in Spira like Kimahri. Kimahri like idea.  
  
More FF chars to come. 


	2. Kimahri on Boy Bands

Kimahri on Boy Bands  
  
Kimahri no like boy bands. Boy bands complain too much for Kimahri's liking. Boy bands not play own instruments. Even Kimahri can, why they cannot? Kimahri wonder, how they sucessful? Kimahri also wonder why boy band singer leave and join rap artists. Kimahri hate white boys. Boy band are early 90's craze. Kimahri disgusted. Kimahri use big word. Yay for Kimahri.  
  
Backstreet Boys. Kimahri wonder, what does this mean? Kimahri think they from Backstreet of Bevelle. Bevelle backstreet are dangerous place. Kimahri think funny. Kimahri wonder, why do fangirl giggle at looks? Kimahri not find attractive. Kimahri hate music. Kimahri hate dance. Kimahri wish dead. Wait, Kimahri remember they are. Kimahri giggle like Yuna.  
  
In Sink. Kimahri wonder why name is water holder. Kimahri not like singer. Singer leave, go solo. Kimahri wonder why fangirl drool over looks? Kimahri think he need haircut. Singer have afro. Singer look like Tidus with afro. Kimahri chuckle at thought. Kimahri wish he die. One singer name after Kimahri weapon. Kimahri let live.  
  
Ninety Eight Degrees. Kimahri know it surely not hot. Singer sweat and wear muscle shirt. Kimahri laugh. Auron wear muscle armor. Auron not hot. Kimahri wonder what attractive about sweaty shirt? Kimahri stick tounge out. Kimahri hungry.  
  
Sugar Ray...Sugar? Where? Kimahri want sugar. Kimahri drool like fangirl staring at sweaty shirt. Kimahri mind wander. Kimahri need food. Kimahri eat.  
  
Kimahri think Kimahri do food next. Yay for Kimahri. 


	3. Kimahri on Pirates of the Carribbean

Kimahri on Pirates of the Carribean  
  
~Thank you The Bonnie Pirate Lass for all your help on this one :) Kimahri like The Bonnie Pirate Lass. Kimahri think The Bonnie Pirate Lass is cool, like Kimahri. Kimahri giggle like Yuna.  
  
Kimahri like movie. Kimahri hear fangirl giggle at pirates. Kimahri giggle at red bandana pirate. Kimahri think funny. Kimahri no like girl who complain lots. She say corset hurt. Kimahri wonder what corset is. Kimahri think it medieval torture device. Kimahri wince at thought. Kimahri don't want corset. Kimahri like gold necklace. Gold shiny. Gold hurt Kimahri's eyes.  
  
Kimahri not understand man with apple. Kimahri wonder how he eat apple with bad teeth? He have monkey on shoulder. Djose monkeys come to haunt Kimahri, even in movie. Kimahri hate Djose monkeys.  
  
Pirates are undead. Kinahri not like undead things. Kimahri feed potion. They die. Kimahri laugh.   
  
Kimahri giggle at mention of brastrap. Kimahri have perverted thoughts for moment. Pirate with red bandana funny. Kimahri envy cunningness. Kimahri thoughs skip, Kimahri confuse self sometimes.   
  
Kimahri look over at Auron, he fell asleep at beginning of movie. Kimahri steal Auron popcorn. Auron wake and scold Kimahri. Kimahri very sorry.  
  
Wakka won't shut mouth. Kimahri trying to watch movie. Wakka jabber about Lulu. Kimahri no care. Kimahri chase Wakka out of theater. Kimahri happy.  
  
Kimahri think mute pirate funny. Mute pirate parrot look yummy. Kimahri change drool bucket.  
  
Kimahri drool as box of gold shiny things are uncovered. Kimahri giggle as the man with apple hold the lady who complains over the box and cut her hand. Haha, lady die.  
  
To Kimahri surprise, lady not die. Damn, Kimahri not like her. Lady complain too much.  
  
Kimahri look at watch. Kimahri think movie long. Aww. Brastrap guy and complaining lady get married. Reminds Kimahri of Tidus and Yuna. Tidus go bye-bye though. Kimahri happy of that.  
  
Yay! Movie over! Kimahri happy. Kimahri say, movie was good. Kimahri think name and movie long, but Kimahri say it good. Not waste of gil. Kimahri suggests to buy movie. Watch movie. Don't forget about sequel! Comming to a Luca Theater near you. Hahaha, Kimahri funny. 


	4. Kimahri on Stereotypes

Kimahri on Stereotypes  
  
Kimahri not like stereotypes. Kimahri think putting humans into groups dumb idea. Kimahri list different stereotypes and say what Kimahri thinks.  
  
Goth. Kimahri say word Goth is dumb. Dumb like, Biran dumb. Kimahri giggle at thought. Human say Goth wear black and worship Satan. Who Satan? He must be fiend, like Yu Yevon. Kimahri wonder if Satan evil. Human say Goth want to be vampire. Kimahri scared. Kimahri joke, Kimahri not scared. Kimahri not know what vampire is. Vampire must also be fiend. Kimahri wonder, could Vampire and Satan be secret Aeon Yuna no get? Kimahri must ponder this. Human say, Goth are depressed. Kimahri wonder why they need to be pressed? Maybe they just mean, like Auron. Auron make Kimahri give popcorn back, Kimahri angry. Auron not pressed, Kimahri sure.  
  
Prep. Kimahri wonder what this mean. Human say prep are mindless things, like Kimahri. This make Kimahri confused. Human say, prep have lots of gil. Kimahri must be prep. Kimahri mindless and have lots of gil. Kimahri happy. Human say prep talk alot. Whoops, Kimahri not prep. Kimahri not talk much. Kimahri wonder what Kimahri is?  
  
Nerd. Kimahri not like word, nerd. Kimahri giggle like Rikku at sound of it, it funny sounding. Human say Nerd don't have freinds. Kimahri have freinds, so Kimahri not nerd. Human say Nerd smart. Now Kimahri KNOW Kimahri not nerd. Nerd wear glasses. Kimahri wonder if Auron nerd? Auron wear glasses. Kimahri laugh. Auron IS nerd. Auron smart, and has no freinds. Kimahri giggle like fangirl.   
  
Dork. Name dork remind Kimahri of Tonberry King. He hit fiend over head with knife and say "DOINK" Kimahri laugh. Kimahri get off track, Kimahri sorry. Any who, Kimahri hear human say, dork like nerd, except dork is stupid and ugly. Wakka must be dork. Wakka is stupid and ugly. Kimahri laugh.  
  
Sk8er. What human is dumb like Yenke to have number in name?! Kimahri think number in name is dumb, like Seymour. Seymour talk too much. Kimahri bring coloring book when visit Seymour*. Kimahri off track again, Kimahri sorry. Human say Sk8er are "poser"..Kimahri wonder what poser is? Do poser do battle stance for camera? No, Kimahri think poser have something to do with Yuna. Yuna pose lots. Yuna dance lots, too. Kimahri wonder if Yuna poser? Kimahri must ask.  
  
Punk. Oh, Kimahri not go here. Human say punk is like Sk8er, only cooler. Kimahri think they never get hot. Human say punk rebel and are like Goths, but Kimahri not think so. Humans tell Kimahri that punk is poser, so Kimahri think they warrior, like Kimahri. Kimahri think Nanaki is punk. Nanaki warrior. Nanaki does battle poses. Kimahri happy. Kimahri must be punk, because Kimahri pose, and is warrior. Kimahri giggle. Maybe Auron is nerdy punk? Kimahri wonder....  
  
Kimahri brain hurt now.  
  
*- In Silver neko's The Life Story of Kimahri, Kimahri tells us about how he colors in his coloring book when Seymour talks. Thats just a reference to it :) 


	5. Kimahri on FF Char Pairings

Kimahri on FF Char. Pairings  
  
~thanks for the reviews! and, incase you're wondering..Yes, my inspiration for these is Silver neko's stories, like Kimahri Says and The Life Story of Kimahri. I got a review that wondered if it took after Kimahri Says. Im not in any way trying to plagerize or copy silver neko, i just got an idea for this fic thanks to her stories. just wanted to straighten that out there.lol  
  
Kimahri never in pairing. Kimahri wonder why, Ronso need love too! So, Kimahri decided to write own Kimahri fluff. Kimahri admit, have twisted mind. Kimahri look at clock, it 3 in morning. Yay for Kimahri.  
  
Kimaikku--  
  
Kimahri say to Rikku. "Kimahri like Rikku" Rikku say, "Rikku like Kimahri!" So Kimahri and Rikku have some Ronso fun. Kimahri happy.  
  
Kimahlu--  
  
Kimahri say, "Kimahri like Lulu chest." Lulu say, "Lulu like Kimahri spear!" So, Kimahri and Lulu have more Ronso fun, followed by slap by Wakka. Kimahri cry like raincloud. Kimahri love Lulu. Whaaa.  
  
Yukim--  
  
Kimahri always have crush on Yuna. Yuna pretty. Yuna say to Kimahri, "Yuna glad Kimahri guardian." So, Kimahri say, "Yay, Lets have some Ronso fun. Kimahri like Yuna." Yuna say yes and off Kimahri went. Kimahri come back with Yuna on shoulder. Kimahri get slapped by Tidus. Kimahri wonder when slap end.  
  
Kimahri like writing own stories. Maybe Kimahri should do more often. Maybe it fix Kimahri's grammer. Kimahri say, own stories will go way Kimahri wants! Kimahri giggle like Tidus. 


	6. Kimahri on NüMetal

Kimahri on NüMetal  
  
~Heh..yeah, SOME nü metal is alright..but..just admit, most of it sucks.  
  
Kimahri no lie, Kimahri like music. NüMetal, Kimahri despise. Human wonder why? Ronso no like NüMetal.  
  
Human tell Kimahri that NüMetal is "Shiz-nah" Whatever that is. Kimahri decide listen Tidus headphones. Kimahri not like what hear. Kimahri not understand what saying. Kimahri get headache from poorly played instruments. Kimahri wince at memory.  
  
Kimahri steal Auron headphones. Kimahri relieved, good music play. Kimahri dance like Yuna at Sending. Rikku giggle and join Kimahri. Kimahri happy.  
  
Auron angry and smack Kimahri. Oops, Kimahri sorry. Rather be hit by Auron than listen Tidus headphones.  
  
Kimahri meet James Hetfield. Kimahri jump with joy. Kimahri join James band and jam. Whee, Kimahri have fun!  
  
Jimmy Page tap Kimahri shoulder. Kimahri bow. Jimmy headed to Farplane, see John Bonham. Yay for Kimahri. Jimmy Page legendary man.   
  
Kimahri hear laugh and turn around. Kimahri bow, Ozzy Osbourne here. Yay for Kimahri. Kimahri wonder why rock Maesters appear to greet Kimahri and gang? Oh well, Kimahri happy.  
  
Kimahri and gang start own band. Band have Ozzy Osbourne, Jimmy Page, and James Hetfield. Kimahri play drums. Rikku like music. Auron dance. Ha, Auron dance. Kimahri giggle.  
  
So, Kimahri and gang jam out at Guado village. Wake Guado, Guado angry. Kimahri glad. Ozzy bite off Seymour head. Kimahri cackle evily.  
  
~sorry, this chappie kinda sucks. I ran out of ideas...got any? feel free to say so! 


	7. Kimahri on Pop Tarts

Kimahri on Pop Tarts   
  
Kimahri like Pop Tarts. Pop Tart easy to make. Kimahri tell how make.  
  
1. Take out of Package  
  
2. Put in toaster  
  
3. Wait til toaster smoke  
  
er wait, Kimahri say, remember to push down lever. It not smoke unless done.  
  
Pop Tart come in many flavors. Kimahri like chocolate Pop Tarts. Thinking about it make Kimahri drool.  
  
Kimahri learned of Pop Tart in Gagazet. Ronso make Pop Tart-like Pastry. Ronso pastry have meat of fiend inside, unlike Pop Tart. If Kimahri want that, Kimahri get Hot Pocket. That bring Kimahri to 'nother point. Kimahri hate Toaster Strudel. Toaster Strudel come in weird flavors, and nasty, like Zell hygeine. Poor Kimahri put up with Zell hygiene at Calm Festival. Kimahri smell from Gagazet, from Calm Lands! Kimahri think Zell disgrace.  
  
Kimahri eating Pop Tart now. Kimahri steal from Auron. Kimahri giggle. Now Auron won't have food.   
  
Damn, Kimahri plan foiled. Kimahri give Pop Tart back to Auron. Kimahri sigh.  
  
Now Kimahri will describe perfect Pop Tart:  
  
Kimahri think Pop Tart should have fiend blood as frosting. French Onion dip shall be filling. Mmmm...Kimahri drool. Wonder where word French come from? Kimahri think it type of onion. What an onion? Kimahri guess self will never know. Kimahri put Kimahri Flavor Pop Tart in toaster. Now, Kimahri enjoy.  
  
Kimahri done. Kimahri think it so good, that Kimahri should start own cooking show. Sounds like tons of Ronso fun. Best of all, Kimahri get to wear white mushroom, and long loin cloth. Kimahri picture self. Kimahri cook Ronso delecasies. Kimahri spell big word. Yay for Kimahri.  
  
Kimahri see it now. Kimahri say "Bam" When throwing in leaves and dust. Kimahri then stir substance and lick paws. MMmmm...Making Kimahri hungry. Kimahri then pour bottled stuff into substance. Kimahri take drink. Kinahri gag, it..it...Let Kimahri read label. Dish Soup? Kimahri wonder what that is. Kimahri have idea, so Kimahri put dishes inside pot. Kimahri say "Bam". There. Now, Kimahri call new food Dish Soup, like bottle say.   
  
Kimahri gasp, there white foamy stuff! Kimahri wonder if Kimahri let something slip in pot? Kimahri look around in fear.   
  
Lulu come, Kimahri happy. Lulu scold Kimahri. Lulu jabber about messing up her valuble china. Kimahri wonder, is china another word for brain? Lulu yelling at Kimahri, has messed up brain. Now Lulu point Dish Soup bottle in face. Lulu say Kimahri clean up mess. Kimahri begin cleaning up mess. So much for cooking show Host. Kimahri dream crushed.  
  
~~aww, what will happen to Kimahri? Will he give up being a cooking show host? hmm..thats something we'll never know. hehe. Oh, and Zell (a char i loathe) is from FFVIII. oh..and since kimahri cant read, the twist in this chappie was he thought it said "dish soup" instead of "dish soap" hehe 


	8. Kimahri on Golfing

~First of all, I wuv you Bonnie Pirate Lass and rjtheclown. Ya'll have supported me thru the creation of my fic.  
  
Kimahri on Golf  
  
Kimahri see golf one time. Quirky Rikku granpa play. Golf boring. Human swing metal rod at white ball. Kimahri wonder if could be used as Summoning staff? Quirky Rikku granpa ramble about how golf is good for self. What do? Get Arthritis? Thats what Kimahri thought.  
  
When ball get hit by rod, everything must be quiet. Kimahri think they hunting rabbits. Kimahri see bag with rod. Rod have furry thing on them. Kimahri not know they grow fur coat!  
  
Kimahri then get hit by forbidden machina.. Old human drive wrecklessly on field, all for white ball. Why must human be so ignorant?  
  
Kimahri see human angry for hitting white ball in sand. Tiger Wood kick and scream about it. Kimahri giggle, human so ignorant.  
  
Kimahri enjoy Kimahri flavor Pop Tart while watching human hit ball into hole. Remind Kimahri of Ronso ritual. Kimahri giggle.  
  
  
  
Why must human make ball go in eighteen holes? Kimahri think that take too long, so Kimahri take coloring book and crayons on adventure with Quirky Rikku granpa.  
  
Quirky Rikku granpa, Kimahri just call 'granpa' for now, and Kimahri go out to 'green'. Green? Kimahri think it all green..so why is that any different? Kimahri sigh, isn't comming out of golfing adventure alive.  
  
So, granpa put ball down on stick. Then, granpa swing rod, holding hand over forehead. Kimahri hate when people do that. Granpa curse, he miss hole. Hahaha. Kimahri think funny.  
  
Kimahri mindlessly color outside lines of picture of Ronso blitzball player while granpa swing and miss hole. Kimahri giggle. Haha. Ronso now have human mustache.   
  
Granpa now let Kimahri drive forbidden machina. Kimahri get evil thoughts. Oh, Kimahri must push pedal. Pedal? What is pedal? Kimahri wonder. "Quirky Rikku granpa, what is pedal, and what is 'drive'??" granpa just look at Kimahri. Kimahri sigh. Will figure out by self. Kimahri push down lever with foot. VROOM! Machina go fast on 'green'. Granpa say, "stop here", so Kimahri stop here. Oops! Kimahri's bad, Kimahri forgot brake button. Oh well. No need for forbidden machina anyway.  
  
Kimahri get out coloring book while granpa swing at ball. Kimahri see ball go far, but land in sand. Remind Kimahri of Bikanel Island. Kimahri shiver, Kimahri remember getting sucked into sandworm belly. It wasn't very good Ronso experience.  
  
Oops! Kimahri mess up on Seymour hair. Oh well, Kimahri no care.  
  
"Come here you uh, blue thing!" granpa tell Kimahri. Kimahri come. "I'm going to teach you how to play" Why must Kimahri be plagued? Kimahri sigh and grab rod. Kimahri not mean't to be perverted. Granpa demonstrate "proper golfer position" Kimahri watch. Granpa look funny. Remind Kimahri of Rikku in Thunder Plain. Why must Kimahri swing rod at ball? Kimahri use it as shiny new lance. Kimahri beat fiend with rod. Er, Kimahri not meant to be perverted.  
  
Kimahri swing rod at white ball on stick. Kimahri shoots....Kimahri scores! Kimahri laugh. Haha, how come Ronso make goal when granpa cannot? Kimahri wonder what point of golf?  
  
Kimahri has an answer for meaning of golf: For old human to have boring fun with sticks, rods, balls and holes. Kimahri meant to be perverted that time. Kimahri giggle. 


	9. Kimahri on Star Trek

Kimahri on Star Trek: The Next Generation  
  
Kimahri go on Star Ship Enterprise one time. Lady with blonde hair, big lips talk to Kimahri. She have blue speedo. She ramble about big words Kimahri no understand. She poke chest and talk to it. She say number. Whoa, Kimahri hear male voice from chest. This disturbed Kimahri.  
  
Brown human come, he wear yellow speedo. He have big bumpy forehead. He say his name "Wark," Like Chocobo. Haha, Kimahri giggle. Wark talk to Kimahri. Wark ask Kimahri if Kimahri "Cling-on" Kimahri not turd. Kimahri sigh.  
  
Wark poke chest and say number. Male voice come from chest. Kimahri wonder what poking? Hmm...Kimahri wish self brought coloring book.  
  
Pale bald male come, he wear red speedo. Kimahri giggle. Kimahri picture Auron in speedo. Pale bald man say name is "Cap'n Crunch" Er wait, Kimahri hungry. He no say that, but since Kimahri not listen, will call him "Cap'n" for now.  
  
Cap'n poke chest and say "number one report to deck" so, Kimahri wonder if name *really* Number One? Oh well, Kimahri call him Number One.  
  
Human with yellow face and eyes appear, named "Daddy"....? er, Kimahri don't think name is Daddy, but that what Kimahri call him. Daddy say he never seen Ronso before. Kimahri giggle. "Kimahri not cling-on." Daddy surprised Kimahri talk.  
  
Kimahri assume guy with mane growing on chin Number One. Kimahri giggle, never seen human with mane on chin.  
  
Meanwhile, Kimahri look at surrounding while group of colored Speedo's chatter about things Kimahri never heard of. Kimahri see bunches of plastic stuff and blinking lights.  
  
Kimahri jolt from daydream. "Computer.." Say Number One, then room beep. This spook Kimahri. Kimahri get spear. Daddy make room blink red. OOOOO...pretty red. Kimahri drop spear.  
  
Room stop blinking and Kimahri imagine scribbling all over Seymour. Wark growl. Wark say something about Hollow deck. Kimahri not ask what this are.  
  
Cap'n ask Kimahri what name is. Kimahri say, "Kimahri, Guardian of Summoner Yuna." Daddy say there no such thing as Summoner or Yuna. This anger Kimahri. "Kimahri come from Gagazet. Kimahri from Spira." Kimahri growl. Wark growl back, Kimahri know jelousy when see it. Daddy then say Gagazet not exsist. Kimahri say, "Kimahri is Ronso." Daddy say no such thing. Kimahri attack Daddy. Wark jump on Kimahri. Kimahri sad and beat over head with spear. Kimahri have fun.  
  
Lady in blue spandex ,long dark afro and huge nose come, and yell at Kimahri with accent. Kimahri giggle, Lady sound funny. Kimahri think she have lisp.  
  
Lady say Kimahri can make Spira appear in Hollow Deck. Kimahri follow Lady. Kimahri afraid deck be hollow, but it not. Kimahri enter big square room with orange lines. Kimahri think pretty.  
  
Lady poke fingers on wall with buttons. Lady put thing on Kimahri head. Lady say that Kimahri think what Spira look like. Kimahri do, and Djose Temple appear, complete with monkey Kimahri hate. Lady think cute. Kimahri poke "gently" with spear. Lady complain to Kimahri that red wont come out spandex. Kimahri giggle like Auron would on Red Bull*.  
  
Kimahri want coloring book now. Oww! Kimahri hit. Coloring book fall from sky. Yay for Kimahri. Hollow Deck awsome.  
  
Kimahri imagine Tidus. Tidus appear. Kimahri attack and kill whiney brat. Kimahri giggle. Kimahri happy.  
  
Kimahri imagine fried Chocobo. Kimahri get 15-piece family meal. Kentucky Fried Chocobo are Ronso delecasy.  
  
After Kimahri have super-fun Summoner adventure with Lady Yunalesca before dead, Kimahri wake up from horible dream. Kimahri miss Wark, Daddy, Cap'n and Number One, but Kimahri glad Kimahri wake.  
  
Because Kimahri wake beside Yuna.  
  
Kimahri joke, Kimahri still in Hollow Deck.  
  
Kimahri giggle.  
  
~A/N: Hehehe, I just had to write something making fun of TNG. Yes, i know the correct naming of everything here: Counselor Troi, Cap'n Jean Luc Picard, Dr. Beverly Crusher, Worf the Klingon, Data the android, Captain William Riker, and Holodeck. So, dont put in reviews saying I dont have names right. Remember, this is from Kimahri's point of view. :)  
  
Disclaimer: No i dont own star trek or Kimahri.  
  
*- This was a reference to Time to Dance by Chibi Selphie Kudou. 


	10. Kimahri on School

Kimahri on School  
  
Kimahri hate school rules. Kimahri sick of hearing Quirky Rikku complain. She tell Kimahri about getting kicked out of school for shorts. She wear innocent shorts, and school say must be as long as dollar. What kind of dollar? What about gil? Gil is coins, Kimahri think. Kimahri kill Quirky Rikku if don't stop complaining to Kimahri.  
  
She also tell Kimahri no CD Player allowed. She say at old school, principal didn't give a Ronso if she bring CD Player or wear same shorts. But no, Quirky Rikku get CD Player taken from her. She mad and attack Kimahri.  
  
Kimahri go to school. School say Kimahri shorts too short. Now Kimahri mad. Kimahri beat over head with coloring book.  
  
Lunchtime, Kimahri happy. Kimahri smile fade soon. School serve gruel. Kimahri try read Oliver Twist so Kimahri know. School only give one food choice, and no leave grounds for real meal. Kimahri mad, because kid old enough to leave. Quirky Rikku say town so small, that no where to go anyway. She say it "High School" Kimahri guess because kids tall.  
  
Kimahri take Quirky Rikku to class. Kimahri sit at small cramped desk and listen to teacher jabber about fish and cattle. Whee, no work! To keep teacher going, Quirky Rikku ask teacher about rodeo. Teacher continue jabbering, Quirky Rikku get no work. Yay for Kimahri. This repeat for all seven periods.  
  
In last period, Kimahri enjoy sitting and typing on computer. Quirky Rikku flirt with male humans. Kimahri then enjoy movies and bottled water. Class called "Computer Desktop Repair." Kimahri say translation is: "Sit and Do Nothing, Ever. Teacher say she not like teach, so kid play Solitare" class. Kimahri think this school boring.  
  
School is full of redneck humans. At least that what Quirky Rikku say. Quirky Rikku tell Kimahri that kid perverted and immature. Quirky Rikku draw Ifrit for art show. Kid say Quirky Rikku satanic, Ifrit is of devil. Blargh, Kimahri not know what is, so Kimahri say it not. Kid draw Swashtica and rebel flag. Kimahri and Quirky Rikku think this dumb.   
  
Stupid Rednecks. Kimahri stab foot with spear now.  
  
Kimahri need coloring book, to stab Seymour's head with pencil.  
  
~A/N: so i ran out of ideas again. this chapter was just about...my school. the whole shorts thing really happened this morning. pissed me off. i dont wear skimpy/skanky clothes, and those shorts were really long. My principal is a dickhead. 'nuff said.  
  
Sorry if the whole Kimahri story is losing its flavor, but im just running out of ideas. Got any? Run 'em by me!  
  
Also I'm planning on writing a Kimahri version of Dear Abby. If you need 'advice', EMAIL your question because they might get mad at me for "using the review thing as a messageboard" *sighs* 


	11. Kimahri on Raves

Kimahri on Raves  
  
Kimahri go to Rave after super-fun golfing adventure. Kimahri now think human weird. Kimahri see men AND women with no mane. Kimahri giggle, now can't tell apart! Well, female have big chest..but some male human have big chest too. Disc Jockey play techno music. This deeply disturb Kimahri.  
  
Female human dance with butt hovering over ground. Male dance on back with feet in air. Kimahri try both. Kimahri fall on tail when dance like female. Female giggle and ask Kimahri for "one night stand" Kimahri not stand for whole night! Kimahri decline and get on back and wiggle feet in air. Male human laugh. Female human giggle and ask Kimahri for night of sweet sweet love. Kimahri ponder, what do female mean?  
  
Kimahri stand on ground that change color. Wow...Lights trippy. Kimahri stomp on lights because Kimahri think it Dance Dance Revolution.   
  
Kimahri wonder what this pill is. People take and get hyper like Rikku. Kimahri wonder if this Rikku secret? Someone offer Kimahri one, Kimahri take. Kimahri eat.   
  
Whoa..Kimahri suddenly see gnats surrounding self. Kimahri swat aimlessly at gnats. Kimahri scared..Ground start to swirl. Kimahri fall down. Whee.   
  
Human say pill is called "Extasy...?" eh? Kimahri confused. Oh well.  
  
~~sorry this took so long. i ran out of ideas, and well...i didnt wana write about this because ive never been to a rave, so i just compiled what ive herd from people who have been to one. This took me over a week to write (i wrote this before the star trek, golfing or school one) but i dreaded putting it up. please forgive me for it being lame. please slip some ideas by me, or else this fic may eventually become a dead fic :( 


	12. Kimahri on Infomercials

Kimahri on Infomercials  
  
I got this idea from Grandmaster Rumi-chan, so go read her fics! NOW! Especially her Final Fantasy VII Sitcom!  
  
One day, Kimahri and Quirky Rikku curl up on couch and push button on black bar. Silver box turn on and human show on screen. Female human say in loud voice "So what does this do?!" and male human push trigger and liquid escape. This scare Kimahri. Male human squirt substance on counter. Brown substance dissappear off of counter. This amaze Kimahri. Kimahri wonder if substance work on Kimahri butt?  
  
Quirky Rikku fall asleep. Kimahri giggle. Kimahri push button on black bar. Kimahri see clock, it 4 in morning. Kimahri watch more of silver box.  
  
Now female human have big machina. Male human ask what this do. Female human turn on machina and push it on ground. Kimahri wonder, why doing this? It make human look like idiot. Noise of machina anger Kimahri like Garik when Garik say Kimahri no elder. Kimahri push button on black bar again.  
  
Kimahri stare in discust. Kimahri see bare chested male human. He have silver stick. He push silver stick over chest, and hair dissappear! Now Kimahri see silver stick stuck up lady nose. Pick Kimahri a winner! Now silver stick rubbing between female legs. Kimahri wonder if thats what its for?  
  
Now Kimahri watch cooking show. Kimahri remember when Kimahri dreamed of being on cooking show. Kimahri glad didn't, because this show bore Kimahri. It have two fat ladies with voices that annoy Kimahri. Kimahri sigh. Doesn't know how to turn off silver box. Why must Kimahri be plagued?  
  
Sorry if this chappie is a little dry . 


	13. Kimahri on Copycats

A/N: Dude...FF5 is SO SAD whenever some certain -spoiler spoiler- things happen to certain -spoiler- characters. But then -spoiler- is replaced with -spoiler- and she is soo damn ugly and stupid. But, she can talk to moogles and thats what matters (I guess?)  
  
Kimahri on Copiers  
  
Now, Kimahri notice that Kimahri story has gotten popular. So popular that people STEAL. Kimahri no like this. Quirky Rikku other story of Kimahri world as told by stereotypical person (yay big word! yay for Kimahri!) was also stolen by same person. Kimahri now wonder, what is it about Kimahri that human find funny? Kimahri not laughing. Kimahri just like to rant.  
  
Kimahri do like idea that people use Kimahri in own stories and put in random situations (yay, big word!), but not when it SAME OR SIMILAR situations. Kimahri and Quirky Rikku wouldn't care if human give credit where credit is due. But human don't, and this anger Quirky Rikku. Kimahri get angered because Quirky Rikku angered. Trying to download 70 meg file and phone disconnect 68 megs into it not help either. Quirky Rikku start download all over again. But this stray from point, so Kimahri get back on point.   
  
-steps back on point- Did human see picture of CHIBI KIMAHRI?! Kimahri think so cute. -ahem- Okay that not point. What is point? Kimahri must have forgotten.   
  
Oh, did Kimahri tell you about experiment with orange cheese snack thingys? Kimahri eat and steal box from Quirky Rikku. She bop Kimahri on head and scold. This sadden Kimahri and Kimahri run around and cry. Kimahri fail as elder. -sniff-  
  
-stomps on point- Oh yeah, Kimahri remember now. Quirky Rikku say to not copy her work, or other peoples work. It is wrong and illegal. It also shows that human unoriginal, but Kimahri already know this. Kimahri review point: Write own stories, or Kimahri bop on head. Okay, Kimahri done now!  
  
-eats Kimahri Pop Tart- mmmmm....  
  
Okay, this was just a chapter to blow off steam because some users (er, just one) keeps copying FFX as told by a prep and kimahri's story and they wont stop! . 


	14. Kimahri on Internet

Kimahri on Internet  
  
Been a while since Kimahri make new chapter. Kimahri sorry.  
  
Kimahri try internet once. It deeply frighten Kimahri. Kimahri use A O L Instant.....Messhanger. It make odd noise. Boxes pop up from screen and say things Kimahri no understand like "hw r u ?" and "hlelo"....Kimahri wonder, can these boxes spell, or are just stupid?  
  
After frightening adventures with Messhanger, Kimahri push button on mouse, with pointy line on cool looking picture. Bowser called Mozilla appear and load pictures. Wow, Quirky Rikku say Mozilla better than Internet Exploder because it ten times better. Kimahri take Rikku word for it.  
  
Kimahri bored, so Kimahri push button over picture of CD. Quirky Rikku say, this called "Itunes" Rikku say Itunes "kicks ass" and that everyone use Itunes. Then she blab about Mac and how he make Itunes for Window. Kimahri wonder what Mac look like? Kimahri also not see Itunes in window....Okay, now Kimahri confused.  
  
Now, Kimahri click on green thingy, and MSN Messhanger open and Quirky Rikku tell Kimahri they her friends. Kimahri wonder how sentences in box are friends? Kimahri think MSN Messhanger is like AOL Messhanger because boxes pop up and say dumb things.   
  
Now, Kimahri tired and want to sleep. So Kimahri say time for say goodbye!  
  
-heh. Sorry about the shortness, I've been extremely busy with other things lately and I can't update whenever I want to. . It sucks, but I've been trying to update whenever I can. I realized that I haven't updated in months. Sorry 


	15. Kimahri on JRock

Kimahri on J-Rock  
  
Kimahri know not all American Humans know what J-Rock is. So, Kimahri explain. J-Rock, Kimahri say, is awsome tunes from Japan. Oh! That where Kimahri made! Now, some humans Quirky Rikku know are stereotypical and think music from other places sound like they make them on TV.. But, Kimahri say that Japan music is same as American music except sung in Japan. Whee, Kimahri sooooo smart!  
  
Quirky Rikku say, for almost every American band there IS a Japan equivilent. (big word! whee) For example: X-Japan is like Dream Theater, Metallica, Twisted Sister, and The Offspring. Kimahri not know what those are, but Kimahri assume they good, because Quirky Rikku know music.  
  
Kimahri and Quirky Rikku especially like Dir En Grey. Kimahri wish self knew what mean, but Kimahri don't -sniff-. Dir En Grey replaces all American Visual Kei (not called this in America, Kimahri assume.) bands. Kimahri now explain what Visual Kei: (because Kimahri feel smart this morning!) VK is band that also play dress up. Dir En Grey can look like male, but can also look like female. Or they can just look scary like Brian Warner. Malice Mizer also play lots dress up. One day, Kimahri want too. Though, Kimahri look fat in spandex -giggle-.  
  
Remember children, just because the music isn't American doesn't mean it automatically sucks. Wow, Kimahri finally say sentence correct! Can Kimahri get cookie?  
  
- Brian Warner is Marilyn Manson's real name. Some people don't know that. His first name is from Marilyn Monroe (sp?) and his last name is from Charles Manson.  
  
---oooooook. Sorry, this chapter was waaayyy not how i usually write them. i just want to, in kimahri's words, get american rockers into some awsome tunes. i am american too, and just this summer i was introduced to the wonderful world of j-rock, so please excuse Kimahri if he's got his facts wrong. 


	16. Kimahri on American Pop Culture

Kimarhi On American Pop Culture  
  
Kimahri think American Pop Culture is scary. Kimahri's other friend Le... Let... Something. She says to call her Ishie. So Kimahri call her Ishie. Ishie think American Pop Culture is scary too. Kimahri was with Letse... Ishie one day. Ishie like to watch VH1 and MTV and MTV2. Why two MTV's and one VH? Kimahri ask Ishie. Ishie not know.  
  
Ishie turn on VH1. Says Top 20 Count down is on. Kimahri wonder what this is. Ishie say is cool music videos. Rachel Perry come on. Ishie say Rachel Perry is ditzy. Kimahri ask what is ditzy. Ishie say is like Jessica Simpson. Kimahri continue ask. Ishie say Jessica Simpson is blonde bombshell. Kimahri wonder if Jessica Simpson explode because bomb. Ishie laugh at Kimahri. Why? Rachel Perry say Britney Spears is at number fifteen. Ishie laugh and say she deserve it. Why?  
  
Kimahri watch music video. Ishie say is called Everytime. Britney Spears goes in bathroom. Why we watch this? Britney Spears throw stuff at mirror. Kimahri think this is funny. Britney Spears go in bath water. Why we watch this? Kimahri want to know. Ishie say is American Pop Culture, deal with it. Kimahri think this is like Boy Bands. Ishie say Britney Spears come from Boy Band era. Say Britney Spears go out with afro man who look sorta like Tidus. Wait. Man who was breaking furniture in music video come in bathroom. Kimahri wonder if he know Britney Spears is in bath water? Kimahri thinks he does because he goes to Britney Spears. And pulls her out of water. Why she not breathe? Ishie call it suicide. Say is what Britney Spears will probably do when realize no one like her. Kimahri shrug.  
  
Kimahri see bunny with funny hair. Ishie say this song called Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows. What's a crow? And why count them? Bunny sings song. Kimahri has seen stranger sight, but still think bunny is strange. The crow counting band is at number fourteen. Next video is All at Sea but Ishie don't seem interested. Kimahri wonder why. Ishie say she don't like the song. Kimahri ask why. Ishie say if Kimahri ask why again she beat Kimahri with plushies. Kimahri don't want this.  
  
Kimahri see next video, by Finger Eleven. Why want eleven fingers? Ishie roll eyes and say band name. Kimahri think she not want to beat Kimahri. But not decide to ask. Then song called Happy Ending come on. By a girl who name sound like anvil. Kimahri wonder why name human pup Anvil. Ishie seem mad. Kimahri stop. More songs come and Ishie sing some. Kimahri plug ears. Ishie seem hurt. Ishie hit Kimahri with a plushie. Of Kimahri. Kimahri squeal like fangirl. Kimahri not know there plushies of Kimahri. Kimahri want one.  
  
Ishie jump up when song called Roses come on. Kimahri think Ishie dance funny. Ishie hit Kimahri with another plushie. This time of Lulu. Kimahri want. Kimahri want to know why song "Roses" about shit stanking. Ishie not know. But say Ishie like song anyway. Kimahri wonder if Caroline realize Outkast (the band) sing about her. Now song over. More songs come. Ishie say bored and change channel to MTV.  
  
Ishie sigh loud. Say Britney Spears Live in Miami is on. Kimahri say want to see. Ishie sigh loud. Change channel. Kimahri want to know why. Change to Fuse. Kimahri not ask about this channel. Fear of being hit with Seymour plushie is great. Kimahri see girl who look like Rikku. Ishie say is Mary-Kate Olsen. Say she have to go to hospital. Kimahri ask why. Ishie say because she fell into pit of American Pop Culture. Kimahri fear American Pop Culture even more than Seymour plushie.  
  
Kimahri see blonde girl with annoying voice. Ishie say is Hilary Duff. Say she is big teen superstar. Sort of. Ishie say she is bad actress and fake singer. Kimahri laugh. Kimahri see red hair girl. Ishie say is Lindsay Lohan. Say she is OK but had a costume malfunction. Kimahri ask what this is. Word is too big for Kimahri. Ishie say it was created at Superbowl last year. Say Justin Timberflake (afro man who look sort of like Tidus who went out with Britney Spears) was grabby and pulled off part of Janet Jackson's shirt. Ishie say was scarred for life but thought was funny. Kimahri not see why. Ishie say she is weird. Kimahri knew this already. Ishie hit Kimahri with Seymour plushie. Now Kimahri scared.  
  
Ishie say Janet have brother. Ishie say he was King of Pop. Kimahri wonder if he can be king. Ishie show picture of King of Pop. Kimahri scream. Kimahri wonder if half guado half shoopuff or something. Kimahri never seen anything scarier. Ishie tell Kimahri of Michael Jackson (King of Pop)'s past. Kimahri is terrified. Big word. Kimahri never go to Neverland. Kimahri never want to.  
  
Ishie say she fear she fell off topic. Kimahri say is OK. Ishie gives Kimahri plushie to Kimahri. Kimahri happy.  
  
A/N: (From Letselina) Sorry about the serious bashing. The VH1 Top 20 Countdown list is from August 3rd, 2004. And yes, I do own plushies of the entire FFX (and ffx-2) gang. Hehe. My weapons of mass destruction. Big thanks to Quirky Rikku who let me write this for her and for writing all the other ones! w00t! HEHE! 


	17. Kimahri on Kingdom Hearts

Kimahri on Kingdom Hearts  
  
Quirky Here. Sorry for the lack of updates, i totally forgot about my FFnet account til like 5 minutes ago. Go me.  
  
Kimahri watch Quirky Rikku play Kingdom Hearts, and here is Kimahri's review.  
  
Game fun, except beginning. Beginning have guy with big feet running around with bite size Tidus and Wakka finding stupid things for pink haired girl. Then, guy with big feet get sucked away from place and go in other worlds. Never go into Kimahri's world, though. Game is RPG, like Kimahri's game, and hack and slash at same time. Boy with big feet hit things with giant key, and big question marks appear on top of things. Kimahri know that that just doesn't happen. But anyway, Kimahri get off subject.  
  
Kimahri see that in every world, boy with big feet kill stuff, picks up green and yellow balls and bubbles, taps treasure chests, and finds giant keyholes. This happen in every world, and get repedative, but...Game fun all the same. Kimahri like duck guy with annoying voice. When try flying on big ship, he look delicious. Oops, Kimahri drool on keyboard. Kimahri very sorry.  
  
Kimahri do like how Kimahri creators intertwine Disney characters in with Kimahri's world characters. Kimahri also like button pressing. Game button masher at some points. But Kimahri also like how Disney characters deal with main story of game. Kimahri not reveal because Kimahri not have time, because Kimahri with Quirky Rikku at school and bell about to go BING. So Kimahri update soon. 


End file.
